'He would rather her be with a real man': 17-year-old starts dating first boyfriend, dad throws tantrum because he thinks he isn't manly enough for her

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 2, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Being a parent comes with many nerve-wracking firsts, and one of the most difficult can be when your child gets into their first relationship. Any reasonable mom or dad's main concern is that their kid has a partner that treats them well, not least because that is something that isn't always easy to find. However, the sad truth is that there are many parents who are a lot more shallow and fickle when it comes to who their children fall in love with.

Unfortunately, some do not react well to a family member who falls below their standards, even if it is for reasons that ultimately do not matter in the happiness of the relationship. It is something that is notorious for causing tension, and sometimes not just with the couple themselves. Not everybody has the same opinions on a budding relationship and whether it is working for all those involved.

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    Cheezburger Image 10473886208
    via Brooke Winters

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one mom had been struggling with after her 17-year-old daughter recently got into her first relationship with a boy of the same age. Although she was pleased at her daughter's choice of boyfriend and felt like he was a nice person and a good fit, her husband did not feel similarly. Accusing the boy of not being manly enough, his wife protested that he was being unfair. The husband didn't take it well, and the mom wanted confirmation that she wasn't in the wrong.

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    AITA for insulting my husband for what he said about our daughter’s boyfriend?

    My daughter (17f) recently started dating this boy 17m. He is her first bf ever. One of my biggest concerns when my daughter started dating is her getting mistreated, an obvious concern. However, after meeting her bf at one of his baseball games (she met him trough one of her friends in baseball) I realized this was not something I had to be seriously concerned about.
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
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    He is genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every time I see him interact with the coaches, his teammates, his opponents, my daughter, etc. it is always positive. He is just generally a very soft-spoken and kind individual, always positive and happy. I also say this with no ill intent, but he is fairly short and somewhat tubby, which is relevant to my husbands opinion
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
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    I obviously do not care about this as he is a good person and quite clearly treats my daughter well. When my husband met him earlier however he did not seem as happy. Once he had left he told me that he don't think he was right for our daughter. He made comments about him not being man enough. I said that our daughter clearly loves him and he clearly loves our daughter, and that I'm happy she's with someone we know is going to treat her right. My husband said that he would rather her be with a "
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
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    I told him he was just being an annoying to the kid for no reason other then he doesnt think hes "man" enough for some stupid arbitrary reason and that he should be supporting our daughter. He said if yout fine with our daughter dating a pansy so be it I guess. He stormed off and I've been reflecting on it and think maybe what I said was uncalled for as he has his own perspective on these things as a dad, and I should not have started thrown around insults as that does nothing to fix this issue
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
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    Commenters were horrified at his behavior, and some chastised her for excusing it.

    itstheloneliestlife So he would rather your daughter be married to a brute tough guy who treats her like sh than a shorter chubby kid who treats her well? So appearance is actually more important than character to your husband. Tell your husband you did some research and found out there iszero obligation for him to f your daughters boyfriend so he can actually shove his opinion up his own a NTA but pay attention to how he acts and what else he has these opinions on, he doesn't think like that in
    via itstheloneliestlife
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    old_vegetables Not only does OP's husband value appearance above character, he values appearance above his own daughter's well-being. That's just sick. He'd rather his daughter date some 6' macho man who hurts her than a chubby short kid she loves and who loves her back. I wonder, when he watches Beauty and the Beast does he root for Gaston? If my husband said something like this, it'd kill any attraction I have towards him. OP's husband is obviously homophobic. I don't know how she can stay wit
    via old_vegetables
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    y3llowsoftpaws This is not only about appearance. OP husband doesn't like the bf because being nice to everyone is not masculine enough.
    via y3llowsoftpaws
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    Arria_Rhapsody Exactly! I personally believe it makes someone "more a man" to be able to treat others with kindness and courtesy. Guys who are all brawn and no substance are a dime a dozen at the gym. If he wants one in his life so bad, maybe he should go, find his manly soulmate.
    via Arria_Rhapsody
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    sl ttychristmastree YTA ESH (except your daughter and her boyfriend) if you don't nip this in the bud. Stop entertaining this BS. He has his own perspective on these things as a dad. STOP. This is your daughter. Do you really want the number one male influence in her life telling her that her safety and wellbeing is less important than the perception of adequate gender roles? Step up and demand better from your husband. Edited judgement for everyone telling me I'm doing it wrong.
    via slttychristmastree
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    Trilobyte 141 Don't demand anything of the husband because you won't get it. He's an a hole, he'll only dig his heels in. Instead, talk to and support your daughter, let her know how much you approve of her boyfriend, and warn her that her dad might cause problems with his backwards bulls I so she'd best keep the bf scarce when he's around. Discretion is the better strategy with these things sometimes.
    via Trilobyte141
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    SneakySneakySquirrel He doesn't "have his own perspective on these things as a dad," he's a homophobe and an overall j . NTA but I find it hard to believe that you didn't know you were married to a bigot after 17+ years.
    via SneakySneakySquirrel
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    XXOOXXXOOXX NTA. Is your husband always this much of a j and judgemental about people? Does he treat you well? I only ask bc, like you said, it sounds like your daughter has an amazing boyfriend, and I can't imagine why he would be so negative about him. Like, does he feel bad that he's not as kind as this kid or something? Or is he being negative to get her (in a bizarre way) to stop dating completely?
    via xxooxxxooxx
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    Mudslingshot Don't ding, that's it Husband is self conscious about somebody treating his daughter better than he does
    via Mudslingshot
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    OkHedgewitch Or is he being negative to get her (in a bizarre way) to stop dating completely? This is it exactly. My ex did this sh with our daughter, to the point that she stopped going out with people if they asked her. Then, when she was 18 and finally started dating someone, he flipped his sh. (We separated and divorced at this point and she's been NC with him ever since.. 9 years).
    via OkHedgewitch
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    RadioSupply NTA. Your husband is, at the most merciful best, expecting too much of someone who is still in the throes of puberty and is a nice kid. But plainly, he's homophobic and shallow. Clearly the kid isn't gay if he's sincerely into your daughter. Who cares what he is? He treats her well and has been polite and friendly around you. You hit the high school daughter's boyfriend lottery, and your husband is behaving like a fool.
    via RadioSupply
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    ph_ph-photobomb Your husband is toxic AF. Id be crushed if my wife talked that way, and I know without a doubt, she'd leave me over comments like that. I'm so glad your daughter never learned what type of man she needs from your husband, and chose the man she wants. Don't know you, but me off, people like him.... I'm sorry you're that married to a "real man" BTW, nta.
    via ph_ph-photobomb
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    Bye_for_good I was married to a man just like this. And I did leave him. Same type of comments, same slurs. I got tired of it. It got really bad after you know who got elected. NTA, but your husband is.
    via Bye_for_good
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    Excellent-Zucchini95 I'm glad your daughter's boyfriend treats her better than your husband treats you. Good job teaching her to do better than you did. NTA.
    via Excellent-Zucchini95
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    JustHere-11337 NTA but your hubby definitely is. Have a one on one conversation with your daughter and advise her not to let your husband's comments sway her opinion on her bf (if she is aware of the comments). Perhaps hubby needs some form of individual counseling, maybe an underlying insecurity.
    via JustHere-11337
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    LouisesBelcher ESH. E being the adults. Your husband is behaving like a misogynistic homophobe at the detriment to your daughter's happiness and safety. That is wild to me - fathers are usually so protective and gooey with their girls and this one is like 'I don't care if he's a good kid, impresses everyone around him, and treats my daughter like a princess, he's not toxically masculine enough to date my daughter.' You didn't insult him by calling him a , you simply pointed out his immature beha
    via LouisesBelcher
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    Agreeable_Dog_4049 Your husband is jealous and insecure of a 17 year old boy that has captured the affection of both his daughter and wife. Tell him to keep his opinions to himself especially far from your daughter and boyfriend.
    via Agreeable_Dog_4049
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    Activity Worried3263 Sounds like your daughter values kindness which is good. Your husband sounds like an insecure
    via ActivityWorried3263

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